Operationalize hyper-scaled content velocity across your entire value fabric.
Slopware is the only agentic, outcome-native, Canadian-hosted Slop-as-a-Service (SlaaS) platform that transforms your unstructured ambiguity into board-ready deliverables at the speed of synergy. Bilingual by default. Accountable by exception.
- Rideau Canal Compute Co-op
- Saskatchewan Blockchain Grain Council
- Prairie Sky Logistics
- Windsor-Detroit Latency Authority
- Nunavut Cold Storage Data Lake Authority
- Department of Interdepartmental Alignment
One platform. Eleven modules. Zero clear answers.
Every module is natively integrated with every other module through our proprietary Integration Integration Layer. Mix, match, and bundle until the invoice becomes a strategy.
SlopStream™
Content velocity engineGenerate 40,000 LinkedIn thought-leadership posts per hour from a single bullet point. Each post is unique, PIPEDA-adjacent, and ends with a question nobody will answer.
Explore SlopStream →Lexicon Mesh™
Bilingual hallucination layerEvery hallucination is delivered simultaneously in English and French, honouring the spirit of the Official Languages Act while ignoring the letter of most others.
Explore Lexicon Mesh →CryoLake™
Arctic-native cold storageYour data lake, but physically cold. Racks located above the 60th parallel for maximum sovereignty, minimal cooling costs, and a latency profile we describe as "contemplative."
Explore CryoLake →Sorry-as-a-Service™
Apology orchestrationAutomate regionally calibrated apologies across every customer touchpoint. Now with Maritime Sincerity Tuning and a dedicated Québec remorse model.
Explore SaaS (the other one) →RFPilot™
Autonomous procurement agentsOur agents respond to RFPs you were never invited to, in jurisdictions you have never heard of, with pricing that is competitive against bids that do not exist.
Explore RFPilot →Observability Observability™
Recursive monitoringMonitor the monitors that monitor your monitoring. Fully recursive, infinitely billable, and guaranteed to page someone at 3 a.m. about itself.
Explore Observability² →ThroughputIQ™
Caffeine throughput intelligencePredictive insight into your organization's caffeine throughput, correlated against revenue, morale, and parking. Correlation is not causation, but it is a dashboard.
Explore ThroughputIQ →LayerCake™
Full-stack reference architectureBase (infrastructure), filling (microservices), icing (middleware). Served in slices, scaled horizontally, never explained to the board.
Explore LayerCake →Resurface™
Data resurfacingSmooths your data lake between reporting periods. Nobody knows what it actually does, but the lake looks incredible afterwards and the auditors stop asking.
Explore Resurface →Purpose-built for every sector. Also for the other sectors.
Our vertical accelerators are horizontally aligned, diagonally governed, and reviewed quarterly by a steering committee that reports to a working group that reports to the steering committee.
Public Sector (Federal)
Procurement-ready slop with a 14-month onboarding runway and a Treasury Board-flavoured template library.
02Public Sector (Provincial)
Same as federal, but every deliverable includes a paragraph about how federal did it wrong.
03Crown Corporations
Arm's-length slop for arm's-length entities. Includes a governance module that governs the governance module.
04Hockey
Rink-level observability, concession demand forecasting, and an AI that explains the offside rule differently every time.
Three steps. Nine workshops. One outcome, loosely defined.
- STEP 01
Ingest your ambiguity
Upload strategy decks, Slack threads, hallway conversations and the general vibe of your org. Our ingestion fabric accepts any format, including feelings.
- STEP 02
We synergize it in-region
Multi-agent swarms running in ca-central negotiate with each other until consensus emerges or the budget does not. Every decision is logged, then summarized, then lost.
- STEP 03
You receive deliverables
Board-ready decks, executive summaries of the decks, and a summary of the summaries. Each one ends with "Next steps: align on next steps."
Leaders are saying things.
"I still do not know what Slopware does, but our board has not asked a follow-up question since we bought it. That alone is worth the licence."
"We went from zero slop to total slop in a single quarter. Our content output is up 4,000% and our open rates are a rounding error. We consider that a win."
"Honestly, the automated apologies alone paid for it. We have apologized to 40,000 citizens this month and only 12 of them had complained."
Simple, predictable plans. Billed in slop units, loonies, or outcomes.
All plans include our Fair Use Policy, which we define as "use we consider fair."
For individuals who need exactly one slop.
*Billed as a single annual payment of $11.88 plus a $249 activation fee. The 99 cents is the part we advertise.
Buy for 99¢- 1 slop unit per fiscal year
- Hallucination tier: Bring Your Own
- Dashboard delivered as a screenshot
- Support via Canada Post
Starter
For teams that want to say they use AI.
*Plus usage, platform fee, onboarding fee, offboarding fee, and a Slop Sovereignty Surcharge of 1.3% on everything, including this footnote.
Get started- Up to 500 slop units per month
- 1 hallucination tier (Standard)
- Community support (a Reddit thread)
- English or French (not both)
Growth
For organizations with a transformation office.
Annual commitment required. Price escalates 18% annually, or faster if we feel like it.
Book a demo- Unlimited slop (fair use applies)
- 3 hallucination tiers (Standard, Confident, Executive)
- Dedicated Customer Synergy Manager (shared with 40 accounts)
- Bilingual apology SLA (4 business hours)
- Priority access to the roadmap (the roadmap is a PDF)
Enterprise Plus
For entities with a procurement department larger than their product.
Pricing is revealed at the conclusion of a 14-week Discovery Discovery engagement. The engagement is also billable.
Talk to sales (eventually)- Everything in Growth, twice
- Private slop region (a rack in Nepean)
- Custom hallucination fine-tuning on your own org chart
- Quarterly Executive Alignment Summit (hotel not included)
- A commemorative plaque
Enterprise-grade trust, compliance, and adjacent concepts
Certifications are self-assessed, self-issued, and self-renewing. Audit reports available upon request after a 90-day verification of the request.
Everything you need to know before you stop asking.
Still have questions? Our Glossary of Terms We Invented runs to 140 pages and is available as a gated PDF.
What is slop, exactly?
Slop is a value-dense, outcome-agnostic content modality that fills the gap between what you meant to say and what got published. It is not a product. It is a posture.
Is my data safe?
Your data is stored in Canada. Your metadata is stored wherever it feels most comfortable. Your trust is stored in a cookie.
Do you use AI?
Slopware is AI-first, AI-native, AI-forward, AI-powered and AI-adjacent. That is five AIs, which is three more than our nearest competitor and two more than is advisable.
Can I cancel?
Cancellation is available through our Churn Prevention Journey, a guided experience averaging 11 business days and three apologies (yours, not ours).
Does this integrate with our existing tools?
Slopware integrates with everything via our open, extensible, proprietary API, which is documented in a webinar replay with no audio.
Ready to transform your transformation?
Book a Discovery Discovery Call. A Synergy Engineer will discover what you want to discover, then schedule a Discovery Call to discover it.