ThroughputIQ™
Your org runs on something. We measure it.
ThroughputIQ™ instruments every kettle, machine and loyalty card in your organization and correlates caffeine throughput against every KPI you have, producing a single executive dashboard with a number on it.
What it does
Beverage telemetry
Integrates with coffee machines, kettles, vending, and the loyalty app of a national chain we are not allowed to name.
Correlation engine
Throughput is correlated against revenue, morale, parking occupancy, ticket volume, and the weather. All correlations are reported; none are explained.
Forecasting
Predicts next quarter's caffeine demand to within one urn.
How it works
- STEP 01
Instrument
Sensors, integrations, or a weekly survey, depending on tier.
- STEP 02
Correlate
Everything against everything. r values are shown to two decimals and interpreted to none.
- STEP 03
Present
One dashboard, one number, one meeting.
Key metrics
- r (parking)
- 0.02
- urn forecast accuracy
- 1
- beverages tracked
- 14
- number
- 1
Compliance and sovereignty
Beverage data is personal data under at least one interpretation. ThroughputIQ™ stores it in CryoLake™ and adjacent to PIPEDA.
Pricing
| Pricing | ThroughputIQ |
|---|---|
| Not included | |
| Starter | survey mode |
| Growth | sensor mode |
| Enterprise Plus | sensor mode plus a barista in the Nepean rack |
Customer story
"We learned that revenue correlates with caffeine at r=0.02 and that parking correlates with caffeine at r=0.02. We have since focused on parking."
FAQ
Does it track individuals?
It tracks cups. Cups are not people, legally, in most provinces.
What about tea?
Tea is throughput at a lower rate and is reported with an asterisk.
Is the number useful?
The number is presented in a board-ready format.
Can it integrate with our HR system?
It can correlate with it.
Start with one module or all nine. The invoice is the same shape.
Build your slopRelated modules
LayerCake™
Full-stack reference architectureBase (infrastructure), filling (microservices), icing (middleware). Served in slices, scaled horizontally, never explained to the board.
Explore LayerCake →Resurface™
Data resurfacingSmooths your data lake between reporting periods. Nobody knows what it actually does, but the lake looks incredible afterwards and the auditors stop asking.
Explore Resurface →SlopStream™
Content velocity engineGenerate 40,000 LinkedIn thought-leadership posts per hour from a single bullet point. Each post is unique, PIPEDA-adjacent, and ends with a question nobody will answer.
Explore SlopStream →