Slopware

Sorry-as-a-Service™

The other SaaS.

Sorry-as-a-Service™ delivers the right apology, to the right person, in the right province, before they have finished being upset. Orchestrated, bilingual, and measured against our proprietary Sincerity Index.

What it does

Regional calibration

Thirteen provincial and territorial apology profiles, plus a federal profile that apologizes for the provinces.

Pre-emptive remorse

Apologize for incidents that have not happened yet, so the SLA clock never starts.

Sincerity tuning

Maritime Sincerity Tuning adjusts warmth; the Québec remorse model adjusts formality; the Ontario profile adjusts nothing and apologizes for that.

How it works

  1. STEP 01

    Detect

    Any customer signal, including silence, is classified as an apology opportunity.

  2. STEP 02

    Calibrate

    Province, channel, time of day and the customer's previous apologies determine the profile.

  3. STEP 03

    Deliver

    The apology is sent, logged, and followed by an apology for the length of the apology.

Key metrics

apologies/month
40,000
complaints
12
business hour SLA
4
Maritime Sincerity
0.91

Compliance and sovereignty

All apologies are generated in-region and retained for seven years, or until they are no longer sorry.

Pricing

PricingSorry-as-a-Service
PocketNot included
StarterEnglish or French apologies
Growthbilingual, 4 business hour SLA
Enterprise Plusapologies on behalf of other organizations

Customer story

"We apologized to 40,000 citizens this month and only 12 of them had complained. The other 39,988 appreciated the heads-up."
Director of Digital Something, a Crown corporation

FAQ

Can it apologize for things that were not our fault?

Especially those.

Does it escalate?

Apologies escalate to Executive tier automatically after the third unacknowledged apology.

Is there an API?

Yes. POST /sorry with a body. Any body.

Can it apologize to Slopware?

That feature is in stealth.

Start with one module or all nine. The invoice is the same shape.

Build your slop

Related modules

RFPilot™

Autonomous procurement agents

Our agents respond to RFPs you were never invited to, in jurisdictions you have never heard of, with pricing that is competitive against bids that do not exist.

Explore RFPilot →

Observability Observability™

Recursive monitoring

Monitor the monitors that monitor your monitoring. Fully recursive, infinitely billable, and guaranteed to page someone at 3 a.m. about itself.

Explore Observability² →

ThroughputIQ™

Caffeine throughput intelligence

Predictive insight into your organization's caffeine throughput, correlated against revenue, morale, and parking. Correlation is not causation, but it is a dashboard.

Explore ThroughputIQ →
1 / 14

Essential cookies

SlopBotOnline. Technically.